In full transparency, I had intended to write a different post. Then yesterday happened. Instead of pretending like everything’s ok, I’m sharing my experience. I believe in being completely honest and hopefully this post will be helpful to another mom going through the same thing.
You know how people say in parenthood there will be really great days and really hard days? Yesterday was one of the hard days. One of the hardest I’ve had, actually. My 17-month-old seemed to have a vendetta against me from the moment he woke up from his nap. He ran around the house like a madman touching everything. He wouldn’t eat his lunch (instead he chose to throw it on the floor), he laughed when I tried to get him to eat and he shrieked at the top of his lungs so the dog started howling. I’ll be honest, guys. I yelled at him. I yelled at the dog. I yelled a lot more than I’d like to admit.
At one point when I was trying to clean up the kitchen, he grabbed onto my legs and tried to pull me down. When I attempted to extricate his limbs from my leg, he lost his balance and fell. Right into the corner of our kitchen drawer. A cut immediately appeared on his forehead and he started wailing. I picked him up and to be honest, I was still filled with anger. Anger that he wouldn’t listen. On the other hand, I also felt like crying. I was silently struggling to hold back tears as I comforted him. He stopped crying after five minutes, but my emotions were just getting stirred up.
Realizing some fresh air might do us all good, I took everyone outside for a walk. As we walked through the neighborhood, I found myself crying. Out loud. In public. I couldn’t hold back the tears. They spilled over like a fountain and since my son couldn’t see my face from the stroller, I felt comfortable releasing the tears.
As I walked through our neighborhood pushing a stroller, holding onto a dog leash and crying (what a sight), I thought about whether I was truly cut out to be a parent. I wondered how I was going to survive having another child in two months. I’ll be honest – I felt like a complete failure. I lost my cool. What kind of a mother does that?
Turns out most moms have these days. They just don’t always talk about them. Maybe because they don’t want to. Or maybe because they’re scared they’ll be judged by others. I think we need to talk about the hard days. We owe it to ourselves to get these emotions off our chest. Otherwise they’ll stay inside our hearts and marinate until we explode.
So this is my attempt to get everything off my chest. This is me, pulling back the curtain on my life. I’m not a perfect mom. In fact, I’m probably the furthest thing from it. I get mad at my child. I yell. I cry. I mess up daily (sometimes even hourly). My house is a disaster and sometimes I don’t shower for days at a time (told you I was putting everything out there!).
I’m learning that there is no perfect mom. We all have our struggles. We’re all trying to do the best we can. We slip up and make mistakes – especially on the hard days. But we also have massive comebacks. Days where we’re on top of the world. Where the love we have for our child/children overwhelms us.
Here’s hoping today is a big comeback.
How do you navigate the hard days of parenthood? I’d love to hear your tips. Words of encouragement are welcome too!